I got many flowers from my students. It reminds me that how adorable my students are. They spend their own money to buy me a flower. I feel accepted, loved, and their warmth. But today I feel so hard to get up from my bed. You know, the feeling you do not want to do anything but you have to eat something. So I do the primary task for me, like take a shower, change my clothes, and wash my clothes, and drink mango juice. I have this juice mango since 10 AM until now 14.37, it still have half of it. I bought it in nearby Mosque of Daarut Tauhiid, the amount of juice is about 750 ml for ten thousand rupiahs.

Since I eat this morning, I did not do anything. I only watch K-Drama and variety show. I know what triggers me. I know the causes. But the worriers in my head makes them scarier. I start to blame myself. I know this condition can be more serious if I do not get up and do anything. I start losing my track, my goal, blame everything to myself, because I am not enough, even though my students, my best friends, my colleagues show their loves to me.

I feel overwhelmed when I got a problem that I cannot solve quickly, like I do commonly. I feel so stupid. I know, some problems need more time to get solved. But I believe Allah still with me. Allah will guide me to find my way, like He always do.

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